whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
