girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize