it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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