I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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