every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
