3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
