like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
