This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
