I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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