I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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