why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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