oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
