What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
