And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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