So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
