end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
