You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
