She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
