Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
