I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize