U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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