Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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