Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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