Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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