just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
