Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
