Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize