I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
