She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
