They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
