Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
