My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
