i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
