Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
