I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
