the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize