South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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