I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Randomize
