I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
