Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just want to make out with him forever
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize