I wannas sexs uuuuu
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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