when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
