there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Two words: nipple clamps
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