Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
