She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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