So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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