guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
