um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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