He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
How's work?
Spinning.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
