I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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