Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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