Your dad touched me again.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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