omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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