I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize