you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
