I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
