i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
