textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
