I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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