Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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