now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
