you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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