youre lurking in front of me
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
