just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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