K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
