He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
