Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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