I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I stole a fireplace last night.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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