I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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