i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
