32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
