I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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