my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
They took my balls.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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